Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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