I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
