New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
