who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
