Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we made out on top of his cat.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
