I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
