my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
