white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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