she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
