is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
