u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
