that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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