His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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