The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
