I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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