Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
