is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
