we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
