she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
