Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
