Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
