does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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