i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
