I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
