got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
