i was rollin on her like bob the builder
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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