Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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