Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He has the fingertips of a God
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