Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
