I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
