Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
