He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
