Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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