i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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