I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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