remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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