In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
