she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
