he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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