i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize