Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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