dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
