help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i came on her dog
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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