just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
