I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
