A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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