he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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