drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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