i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
