Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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