capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she peed on how many people?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
