I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
