Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
