New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i dont even know how to be here
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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