you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
