literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
