you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
