After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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