I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
