My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
