Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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