Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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