I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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